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I promise nothing and deliver less.

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Posted by cosmicfortune - January 10th, 2019


EDIT: Decided to keep this up. I'm not going to remove it unless something happens that makes me remove it.

Alright. I'm gonna remove this post in like a week or some shit so read it while you can. Also, I'm not putting a filter on myself for this. Not in the slightest. Although, I am changing names for the sake of privacy, not for me, but for the people involved.

2015 - 2017 was a fucking hard time for me. I feel like I've become to master of fucking acting with how much I acted "fine". So, let's start this trainwreck.


2015 was the year I got my first personal computer, a laptop. A laptop with microphone capabilities as well, so I could actually TALK to people for once. The first of these people was a kid named uhh, baltrig. He was pretty young, and I honestly can't remember how the met him. I think it was Garry's Mod, but I can't remember. I worked with him on a few games, helping with renders and stuff. None of our games ever got finished, mainly due to general laziness. One time he invited me to a Gmod server with a friend of his. An older kid, a tad younger than me, named uhhhhhhh...Mitch. Yeah. Alright, so I'd end up becoming friends with Mitch and I'd even start playing games with him more often. Mainly Minecraft and Gmod. Mitch was a pretty smart kid, but his family was going through rough times. His parents were divorced and I felt really bad for him. I sometimes wonder if the reason I kept with him was because of some sort of pitty. I had a YT channel at the time, and Mitch starred in these videos A LOT. I wanted to do videos by myself, but I felt like they were boring with just me. Mitch and I found a public Minecraft server and started playing on it. I made a """series""" of our adventures on it. It was shit lol. Over time though I could feel myself forcing myself to interact with him. I could feel that from his side as well too partly. As for that Minecraft server...oooo boy.

Basically, we were fucking blind. But I'll get to that soon enough. One of the admins, a user named "Nacho" (I had that name change ready), was pretty helpful for us. The server ran off of factions, and my faction got its ass kicked constantly. The help from the admin, as small as it was, was nice. Eventually Nacho joined our "group", and Mitch eventually added a friend of his, a person named um...Lolipop. Yeah. We played games together and talked with each other on Skype quite a bit. Oh I think this is 2016 now by the way, I think anyway. Lolipop and I got into a freakin' ""relationship"", which let's be honest, wasn't gonna last long. I didn't even know where they lived, and yet...I showed them where I lived via google maps. Yes, you read that fucker right. I'm was a non-social idiot who tried anything to ensure I wasn't gonna die alone. My parents didn't want me to tell ANYONE about where I lived online, and I still fucking did it. What's interesting though is the way it backfired on me, was in a way you probably couldn't predict. So my parents were around during a voice chat, I had headphones on so they couldn't hear the convo, but I tried my best to be as careful I could be about what I said. Lolipop mentioned the "white car outside my house" and this is the moment where you lose all respect you may have had for me, and if you didn't, you're still going to hate me. So, I replied "What?". Yup. This spiraled into conversation of Mitch and Nacho now thinking Lolipop was a stalker of some kind. We never talked to Lolipop again. I remember saying I was sorry to Lolipop, but I can't remember if they ever replied. I doubt it. One odd thing though was they were banned from using the computer due to constant fights with their brother. I found it was odd they still managed to sneak in Voice Chats and time to play Minecraft. Anyway...on to more shit.

I'm not entirely sure what happened during the time I didn't talk to Mitch, Nacho, and Lolipop. I do know they had conversations by themselves before the whole bad thing I did, but I never thought much of it, or really cared. Why would I? Bringing this up now is once again setting up a later point, the reason is because I want you to learn this stuff in the order I did.

So, building off of me, Mitch, and Nacho, our relationship started to go apart, at least with Mitch. He started becoming more distant as time went on, where it was really just me and Nacho, with Mitch sometimes joining us in FFA matches on Half-Life 1's multiplayer. During this time, I also started becoming a solo game developer, with Mitch and Nacho being beta testers. I actually did make and release some games, although their pages don't exist anymore, they still got released. Spaceguy, Hidden Treasures, Mind Dump, and some other ones got released. As shit as they were, I was honestly pretty happy with them. Although, I did remove them after a while as I felt like "I could totally do that better". Whether or not I'll actually make a game and release it proper is still up in the air. Mitch simply played the games and gave me super bare bones opinions. Nacho on the other hand, gave me some decent input. Although, one thing he did do was almost try to see something...more, in my games. I think over time he started to make me believe there was something legit wrong with me. I doubt it was intentional, but it still happened. Another thing he said that hit me really hard was that one thing he told was...

...was like I was his own kid.

How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? A guy who was going through hard times of his own, saying that I was like his own kid, giving him something to look forward to daily. Nacho also eventually told me that the Minecraft server we played on, was run by a bunch of furries. Nothing against furry fandom, but he said that he was surprised I didn't notice the erotic roleplay in chat. He said that these were "friends" that he knew, and I guess he never thought anyone else would really join the server so he never cared. So yeah, that the whole "Mitch and I are fucking blind" thing from before. I have no reason to believe he wasn't involved too though, not only due to some stuff later explained here, but also because he actively showed me his own furry suit. Why should I believe he might be one of those weird furries? Not all furries are bad, but there are bad ones, and I have no reason to believe he wasn't one of the bad ones after well...you'll see.

We...kept talking. Kept playing games. Mitch stayed even more distant as well. The times I did interact with Mitch felt weird. Our interests changed so much, that we were pretty much the opposite of each other. I still kept in touch with him. I tried to ask him why he stayed so distant, but he never said.

That was until one day in 2017, Nacho messaged me. He said Mitch had blocked him. I was confused, but figured it was probably an accident. I messaged Mitch and asked him why did he block Nacho, and why was he so distant. Mitch actually responded, and said something had happened back when Lolipop was in the group. A conversation that had happened between Lolipop and Nacho, that Lolipop told him about. Nacho wanted to see Lolipop's feet. On top of that, there were other pedo/perv things he had said to Loli. I...wasn't sure if I should believe him. If Loli was mad at me enough at what I had done to them, could this be some form of revenge? Mitch didn't want to take chances, and he opted to stay silent. He opted to stay silent about a possible pedo. He didn't tell me until over a year later. Gee, thanks.

I left a message to Nacho, telling him I was going to stop talking to him, and that I wasn't going to explain why. I didn't want to take chances, and figured I'd cut myself off from him. I didn't know how to help him anyway with the depression and other issues, so I figured I'll just leave him. The added pedo thing made the whole blocking him thing happen faster. I eventually stopped talking to Mitch entirely, and blocked him as well. I then deleted as much stuff on the old me, the me from 2015-2017, and decided it was time to start over. I didn't want Mitch or Nacho to find me. So...new username...new accounts...almost new everything. I felt...I felt more free I guess. The problem was though I had the memories of everything that happened. I didn't entirely feel 100% free of my past. So...in 2018 I tried to tell some people about what happened. First, a friend of mine, lhpaladin. Yeah, I'm not changing names past 2018. They are still around and my friends so...yeah. Later I told some people on the D-Pad Discord server, but not all of it. I didn't tell paladin and the D-pad server everything. But hey, that's what I'm doing now. I don't want to live in 2019 in worry. I don't want to worry that Lolipop might actually use my location info against me (seriously, that is something I think about), I don't want to keep this bottled inside me. So...here we are. The name "cosmicfortune". A motivation of sorts to do something with my life...and...finally trying to tell the whole story. So...the end I guess.

Not entirely sure how to end this. Also uh, sorry for any typos. I think faster than I can type. Anyway, thanks for your time. Here's to 2019 not being a trainwreck.


Posted by cosmicfortune - December 12th, 2018


Oh right, I have a Newgrounds account. I forgot that pretty quick.

Ok, let's get to talking about Starbound. From what I can tell, Starbound is the only game actually developed by Chucklefish themselves. The rest of their games are just published by them. Starbound as it stands, is super lacking to me. Like, it has the framework for something really neat, but it just doesn't have it. It doesn't have nearly enough real content. It seems Chucklefish has decided to extend the playtime of a game, simply copy and paste the same things over and over again, without stopping. The actual real content is too difficult to make a time consuming it seems for them, the story missions really show how much they rushed things. There is no Novakid mission, and the final race mission is just an arena with enemy spam. They really like spamming enemies. Honestly, I think the best mission in the game is the Floran one due to multiple routes and overall being pretty decent. However, starting a new playthrough of Starbound is super boring and painful. It makes you play the story missions and...oh boy, the scanning missions. Before every story mission, the game makes you go from planet to planet scanning objects based around the next alien race. Nobody likes these missions. They are pointless padding. Also going from planet to planet makes you realize how boring the planets themselves are. They are pretty copy and paste. There's nothing super special about each of the planet types except for the artificial difficulty. Yay, artifical difficulty in the form of enemies with more hp and more damage output! HOW FUN. Enemies in general are just boring. The walk towards you and attack, or use one of the very few weapons against you. They also lag a lot. Like, a lot. Starbound's engine is honestly garbage. I'd go as far to say worse than the engine Bethesda has been using for the last 20-something years. A lot of people say Starbound's multiplayer is the best part, which I can't really say much on since the game was pretty much unplayable online for me. The lag was insane making it downright unplayable. Terraria runs 10 times better than Starbound, and looks better.

The actual main cast is as 1-dimensional as you can get, I'd even say they are 0.5-dimensional, they are THAT uncreative and boring. They have one defining trait, and that's it. Honestly the best story in the game were codexes. Short notes written by characters you'd never see were more interesting than the main plot. Oh and about that plot, giant eldritch hentai monster destroys earth, go kill it before it destroys the rest of the universe, but you know, no rush. Seriously, the universe is gonna be destroyed, but you're gonna have me scan a a bunch of furniture beforehand. The game is honestly much better with mods, and a ton of other people look to think so too, since I rarely see people playing the vanilla game. It's pretty much Skyrim-syndrome. The base game is nothing but a base for tons of mods that can make the game actually good.

I bought back it when it was still in early access, I can't remember exactly when, if I had to take a guess...maybe 2014 or so? I expected quite a bit to be added over time, but nothing really did. The stuff that got added was either the rest of the story missions or stuff that doesn't really effect the main gameplay. Novakids really got the short end of the stick as they didn't even have villages still when the game got to 1.0, which makes me think Chucklefish was just tired of the game and didn't want to keep working on it, or they are so incompetent they forgot. Starbound is still not that great. The space mech exploration thing only gets you upgrades for the space mech so you can get more upgrades for the space mech, and the space station is pretty much just another option for base making. The end-game dungeon is also just there to give you the terraformers and some stronger weapons, but you've already beaten the game so...what's the point? You're already probably strong enough to one shot most enemies on the average planet. Starbound is not designed well in the slightest, and I can't recommend it to anyone, really. It's a shame, the game showed a lot of potential.

 

As always, excuse typos, I'm still getting used to writing long things this and I tend to think faster than I can type. I'm also tired right now so, that doesn't help either. Anyway, thanks for reading! Hopefully you at least got the general idea, I think I could have written this better, but...yeah. Have a good day and/or night!


Posted by cosmicfortune - December 6th, 2018


/!\ This is a reupload from my tumblr with edits made to make it just read better.

 

Alright. So, I don’t want this to be “GENERIC VALVE COMPLAINT POST#345256″, as I think I have a somewhat different opinion on Valve than most “Valve Haters”. Hell, I don’t even think of myself as a Valve Hater. I wouldn’t consider myself one. Also, I sorta want practice for writing stuff, so hopefully I can use this blog for actual blog things.

Valve is a shadow of its former self. It still retains its name, but it isn’t the same company that we once knew. Even if they really try to be what they used to be, it won’t make up for the last 10 or so years. I’ve played so many of their games, I own the Valve Complete Pack for crying out loud! I played TF2 endlessly, I loved the Portal games (Portal 1 is better than 2 fight me), and failed horribly in Dota 2! I even tried to make SFM animations, I tried to make maps, items, you freaking name it! So seeing Valve as it currently is just hurts. Let me get this out of way before I start complaining more: Half-Life 3, if it ever came out, would most likely be the most damaging thing to Valve possible. So many years have passed, it is literally impossible to live up to the hype. The internet is the internet, meaning no matter what, the internet will complain if it doesn’t match their “standards”. Even then, the ending to the game will most likely leave off of a cliffhanger like Half-Life 1 did. Yeah, remember that? Valve had no idea if HL1 was going to be successful, and they still made it a cliffhanger. For all we know, a majority of Valve might be okay with HL2′s current ending. It just hurts more because of HL2′s character development. HL1 didn’t have a ton of character development to it, so the cliffhanger ending didn’t hurt nearly as much. HL2 stabs you multiple times in the feels and expects you leave the cinema satisfied to some extent. If Valve is smart, they will never release Half-Life 3, unless they truly trust that it will be the game everyone wanted, which I highly doubt will ever happen. As for Portal, I don’t know why so many people want a Portal 3. I mean, Portal was good, but like, we got an ending. An actual satisfying ending. The co-op ending however, probably just exists so Valve could make spin-offs without hurting the lore. Counter-Strike is…something I actually couldn’t really get into. I can’t really comment on this one much. I did play a fair amount of CS:GO, but it didn’t really grab me I guess. Team Fortress 2 on the other hand…as of writing this I have 976 hours clocked into TF2. I know for a lot of people that might just be "noob hours", but I still freaking love that game, even with all its flaws. The absence of content of the game is worrying, but I do know the team is very small, like I think it was said to be around 6-10 people or something. The community for TF2 is still super active, so it’s not dead, not even close. Community-made content is really helping it survive, without it, TF2 would have died years ago. The problem lies in the fact that I still worry. I still worry that one day updates for TF2 will just stop. I worry Valve will make a bad decision and everything will go down the drain. Artifact hasn’t been handled the best, so my worries about Valve just sorta skyrocketed. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t want to care about Valve anymore. It’s freaking stressful and makes me so sad when I see what they’re doing, or, I guess not doing. They barely communicate with their community, especially putting F2P elements in their paid games. I can’t support that. I really can’t. It feels like Valve is getting greedier and greedier sometimes, it really does. The asset flips and general garbage that ends up on Steam showed they don’t care what gets put on Steam as long as they make money. Valve has given me some of the best video game experiences I’ve ever had, and I’ll always have those memories. So, what’s the point of hoping they’ll do it again?

I really want to support them, they made some amazing games, but all I see is them going downhill at a pretty rapid pace. Artifact really sped it up. Also, if you’re wondering if I’ve played Artifact or not, the answer is no. The main reasoning being the fact that I don’t have much interest in card games, and the whole F2P model in a paid game doesn’t really grab me.

 

TLDR; i’m breaking up with you, valve. but i’m keeping the action figures because they are really cool.

Have a nice day, and thank you for reading (and excuse typos, I’m still trying to get the hang of this whole blog thing and I tend to think faster than I can type lol).

 

December 6th, 2018 EDIT: Ok so I guess CSGO is Free-to-Play now!?! I really didn't see that coming. Huh.


Posted by cosmicfortune - December 4th, 2018


"frick u tumblr"

Ok so, out of fear of my tumblr account getting borked, I'm here now. I make pixel art and rant about things.